V

A young man has always dreamed on owning a Harley Davidson. One day he has finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer. After picking out the perfect bike the dealer warns him that if he leaves his Harley in the rain the chrome has a tendency to rust. He tells the young man an old biker's trick is to keep a jar of Vaseline handy and smear it on the chrome if the bike must be left out in the rain.

A few months later the young man meets a woman and falls in love. She asks him to come home and meet her parents over dinner. He readily agrees and the date is set. At the appointed time he picks her up on his Harley and they ride to her parents house. Before they go in she tells him that they have a family tradition that whoever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes.

After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break and get stuck doing the dishes. After a long fifteen minutes the young man decides to speed things up so he reaches over and kisses the
woman in front of her family.

And no one says a word...! Next he decides to take a more direct approach so he throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of everyone. And still no one says a word...!!! Now he is getting desperate, so he grabs her mother and throws her on the table. They have even wilder sex. But no one says a word...!!!!

By now he is getting very worried and is wondering what to do next when he hears thunder in the distance. His first thought is to protect the chrome on his Harley, so he reaches in his pocket and pulls out the Vaseline. And the father says, "Okay dammit, I'll do the dishes.

Q. Why did the tomato blush?
A. Because he saw the salad, dressing.

Q. What did the lettuce say to the celery?
A. Are you stalking me?

Q. Why did the Tomato go out with a prune?
A. Because he couldn't find a date!

Q. What did one vegetarian spy say to the other vegetarian spy?
A. We have to stop meating like this.

Q. What do you call a vegetarian who goes back to eating meat?
A. Someone who lost their veg-inity!

Q. Have you heard of the garlic diet?
A. You don't lose much weight, but from a distance, your friends think you look thinner.

Q. Why do people kill animals?
A. Fur convenience steak.

Q. How many vegetarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. I don't know, but where do you get your protein?

Q. What do you call a militant vegan?
A. Lactose intolerant.

Q. What's the best way to keep milk fresh?
A. Leave it in the cow.

Q. Did you hear about the vegan devil worshipper?
A. He sold his soul to seitan!

Mrs. Smith had cooked a halfway decent meal one night, and the old Smith had been goin' at it with gusto. He was about halfway finished his meal when he took a good long look at the potato. He looked over at Mrs. Smith and said, "This potato is bad." Mrs. Smith picked it up, smacked it, and put it back on his plate... then said, "If that potato causes any more trouble, you just let me know."